科恩与我 – 费斯凡 Stephen Feldman
歌手，心理治疗师，常驻美国三藩市
出生在芝加哥，最早期的记忆是收音机里的歌。
我在科罗拉多州上大学的时候开始在北部的酒吧演唱，后来辍学搬到三藩市（旧金山）追逐我的音乐梦。十五年的艺术生涯和生活颠簸之后，我重新返回大学并且修了心理学硕士学位。对荣格和梦分析的兴趣也是从那时开始的，虽然我的音乐梦一直没有淡褪。我的三张单辑，九张合辑（其中有我的音乐合作人Bob Romanus和我们的乐队老爸的厨房）就是延续。
最早关于莱昂纳德的印象来自他的歌《苏姗》。这首歌很快将我带到出神状态，大概许多人都有过这样的体验吧。不久后一首让我臣服的是《再会，玛丽安》。
记得是1983年，我给亨利路易Henry Lewy寄了一盒试听磁带，亨利生前是知名的唱片制作人。众所周知他以前长期有跟加拿大女歌手琼尼米歇尔Joni Mitchell合作。莱昂纳的专辑《近期歌曲/ Recent Songs》就是亨利负责的。
试听磁带收到后，亨利给我回电话，说我是“83年最有前途的作曲人”。我路上捎了贝果和奶油芝士到他家里去。不久后一组乐队就在A&M工作室试录我其中一首歌，亨利邀请我到现场。中场的时候莱昂纳德进来跟亨利打招呼，我们短暂地行了个见面礼，他跟我握手，然后马上转向亨利谈事情。莱昂纳德刚买了一台卡西欧的键盘，弹奏的同时能印出音符，开心坏了。
我最近的一首单曲《莱昂纳与我 /All Alone with Leonard》可以说是他带给我的最大的灵感。到底怎么来的，我也不知道，就自然地出来了。这次经验之后我自己都震惊了，不是说我写的有多好，而是被这种真实的感觉而震惊。
莱昂纳与我
我独自跟莱昂纳德在一起
可是他并不在场
我依然能听到莱昂纳德
他对我说着悄悄话
他问我是否记得
出生前的样子
还有 投生的理由
他说渴了 想要一瓶啤酒
我说冰箱空的 他消失了
我很好奇 无欲是什么样
热情的存在 一定有缘由
我比众人 更相信魅影存在
即使如此 往往只有独角戏
我跟莱昂一起 他觉得很奇怪
我的神坛 建在羞耻和恐惧上
我问他要去哪 他说要去歌山
我请求同行 他说你不属于那
我跟莱昂一起 他已经不在人世
唯有音乐挚爱仍存 希望一起唱
科恩对我的影响，除了他那些永恒的音乐，还有在他人生低谷时处理事情的方式，以及人能越老越有魅力这一点，让我深受鼓舞。
我眼里的科恩其实是内向，敏感的男子。他对灵性跟肉欲的追求不相上下，总在两者间寻找平衡。将一生投于创作，一直到生命的最后一刻。在我眼中这算是艺术家的圆满一生。
跟科恩一样，我钟爱文字和音乐，很喜欢唱歌。唱自己的歌能带来跟自己的创作合一的快感，我也很喜欢跟他人分享。我的灵感也随着岁月增长，现在大概到了最自如的阶段。也跟科恩一样，我总在跟黑暗面搏斗，于是我决定接纳它，让它进入我的音乐中，随它展现。从他身上我认识到了幽默，不管在生活中，还是在作品里。但愿我的热情能跟他的一样长久，也希望自己能跟他一样优雅。
很荣幸歌塔收容了我。电梯修好后，我要登到百层之上，敲开科恩的门。也许他会邀请我进去喝一杯红酒。陌生人的故事就是这样来的。
影子访谈II期
整理 & 翻译: Keiko Wong
Singer-songwriter and practicing Psychotherapist in Los Angeles, California.
I was born in Chicago and from my earliest memories I was totally captivated by the songs I heard on the radio.
I went to university in Greeley Colorado and began playing in the bars in the northern Colorado area. I quit school and went out to Los Angeles to pursue songwriting. After 15 years of artistic abundance and financial hardship, I went back to school and got my masters degree in Psychology. I became very interested in Carl Jung and dream analysis. But my love for writing songs and producing music never waned. I have recorded 3 solo albums and 9 albums with my musical partner Bob Romanus with our band called Poppa’s Kitchen.
My earliest memory of Leonard was hearing his song Suzanne. Like so many others I was immediately immersed into a kind of song dream state. A little later I heard So long, Marianne which I found incredibly catchy and captivating.
In 1983 I sent a demo tape to the late great record producer Henry Lewy. Henry is best known for his long collaboration with Joni Mitchell. He also produced Leonard’s album- Recent Songs.
Henry called me back and told me that I was the “most promising songwriter of 1983”. I went over to his house with bagels and cream cheese and shortly after that he was recording one of my songs with a band at A&M studios. He invited me to the session. On one of the breaks Leonard came by to say hello to Henry. Henry introduced me to Leonard who gave me a very quick handshake and quickly turned his attention back to Henry. Leonard was very excited about a Casio keyboard that he had just purchased that printed out musical notations as he played.
The most direct inspiration from Leonard came about from my recent song. All Alone with Leonard. How it happened, I have no idea, I just know it did. I am moved and sort of in awe of it- not from an ego place but from the experience of it happening.
All Alone With Leonard
I’m all alone with Leonard But Leonard he’s not here
I can still hear Leonard he whispers in my ear
He asks me what I looked like before my time of birth
and do I know the reason we crawled out of this earth
Leonard says he’s thirsty he wants to have a beer
I said my fridge is empty then Leonard disappeared
I wonder what it’s like to be freed from all desire
There must be a reason we’ve been given all this fire
I believe in spirits a little more than most
but even on my best days I’m a most reluctant host
I’m all alone with Leonard he thinks it’s pretty queer
That I have built a temple on top of shame and fear
I asked him where he’s headed He said I’m headed towards Mount Song
I said can I go with you he said that’s not where you belong
I’m all alone with Leonard but Leonard’s dead and gone
But Leonard still loves music and he wants to sing along
Besides his many many wonderful songs-I am also inspired of how Leonard handled his artistic and business affairs after he was swindled. Another inspiring aspect of Leonard is that in my opinion the older he got the more beautiful and vibrant his artistry became. I am very grateful to him for that.
I see Leonard Cohen as an introverted, sensitive man, who delighted in creativity and had to submit to it’s will. I see him as a man who wrestled with the balance between carnal pleasure and spiritual enlightenment. I am delighted that as a person and as an artist he kept evolving and kept creating up till the very end of his life. He made what I consider to be the ultimate artistic statement, a life well lived.
Like Leonard, I have a love for words and music. I have a love for song. I get to play and rejoice with my creativity and I like sharing it with others. I feel as I grow older my connection to creativity grows stronger, it is the most free and relaxed aspect of myself. Like Leonard, I wrestle with demons and I can see them more clearly when I let them wander into my songs. I am hopeful that I can match his passion and longevity. I wish that I dressed as well as him. I am glad to recognize that humor is essential in life and very much so in songwriting.
I am grateful that I have been admitted into the Tower of Song. Once they get the elevator fixed I plan to travel a 100 floors above me and knock on Leonard’s door. Maybe he’ll invite me in for a glass of Chianti. Stranger things have happened.
Thank you for Stephen Feldman‘s sharing
Translated by: Keiko Wong
2 Replies to “科恩与我 – 费斯凡 Stephen Feldman”
Wonderful song and introspection!